ohmygod?
just when i was finally qt at peace with my screwed up A level results & feeling hopeful when i was invited for the NTU comm studies pre-admissions talk, everything comes crashing down again. :(
yesterday i received the NTU acceptance letter. i was secretly hoping its gg to be my first choice comm studies or smth. & i was still thinking at the back of my head "what if its comm studies, do i really like it so much to accept the offer, whether i was cut out for it at all..."
then i ended up with my third choice. right.
so... i was overwhelmed by shock for a while. and then the disappointment kinda came in. & the phrase "people tend to cherish things more when its gone." is damn apt nw.
i knw i ought to be happy because at least i secured a place in the uni and there are people out there trying hard to even get a place. but i cant seem to make myself feel better. esp aft today. i talked to my colleague & did more research on my third choice. & now im feeling v dreadful abt it.
relatively low interest level + competing with other maths olympiad winners + relatively less possible career paths= ...........
ong asked me then why did you even put it as one of yr choices in the first place?
i don't know.
nthg interests me a lot in the first place anyway.
but i had to come up with smth to fill up the choices at that point of time.
:(
then i started placing my hopes on NUS, refusing to believe "its the end".
i went to check my NUS choices again.
& i realised i screwed it up again.
biz
fos
fass
architecture
proj&facil mgt
so.
i didnt get called up for FOS interview at all.
the chance of me getting into biz is almost zilch.
im started to get really worried for myself ok.
if FASS reject me,
then what?
i feel like i just wasted my 4th choice putting architecture cause its not even easy to get in in the first place. & please dont ask me abt proj&facil mgt because i kinda... put it there for the sake of hving a 5th choice.
ok.
i sound like a big loser suddenly.
maybe i should go prepare to appeal or smth.
i don't know what i'll do if get rejected by the course i really want,
& get rejected for my appeal(s) too.
its like being driven to a dead end.
nvr felt this way in my life before.
all along i was spoilt for choices i guess.
pri sch, secondary sch, jc.
whenever we had to make choices for schs/subjects,
i nvr considered hard for all my choices.
it was always the first or the second which rly mattered.
and the third fourth and fifth choices were done up for the sake of not leaving them blank.
thinking back, i realised ever since the start of my JC life, everything just went downhill somehow.
AT THE END OF THE DAY,
ITS JUST MY FAULT FOR NOT STUDYING HARD ENOUGH.
i really think the D for chem made everything a lot worse.
SIGH.
i feel like being childish for a day.
i dont want to go to work tomorrow.
but a tiny part of me tells me to be more mature, cherish my job & all.
& not wait till its gone again.
